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Set healthy boundaries – even before you meet: It’s natural to flirt via messages and conversations in the beginning stages of dating. You’re pursuing a romantic connection, after all! However, if your date is crossing boundaries and making you feel uncomfortable, politely let them know immediately. For example, if they make an advance that feels like too much too soon, express your feelings: “That makes me feel uncomfortable, could we take a step back from that please?”

Don’t…be afraid to let others know you are looking to date. Your circle may know others of a similar mindset and interests, so tapping into your network might just work best for you. Do…listen more than you talk for the first few dates. It’s important to genuinely get to know your date, understand what they are passionate about and whether that is in line with what you are looking for. Give your date attention and give yourself a chance to really get to know them.

Get intentional about the kind of woman you want in your life. Aimlessly taking shots at every girl will only make you come off as a playboy to women. Handling rejection is one of the hardest things about dating. In fact, it’s one of the major reasons why most guys don’t want to approach the woman they like, and it’s understandable. To be able to handle rejection well, you have to change how you look at it. First of all, you have to know yourself and what you bring to the table. High-quality men who have high self-esteem, who know their worth, understand the value they bring to their relationships. They are not begging women to come into their lives. They are looking for women to share an experience with. Hence, even if they get rejected, they can’t take it personally. Taking rejection personally makes you come off as emotionally immature. Know yourself and know what you bring to the table. This will make you understand that you don’t have to beg anyone to stay in your life.

Dating is supposed to be about finding what you want, not becoming what someone else wants. Some people will like you and some people won’t. Whether or not someone wants to pursue a relationship or a second date with you has nothing to do with how likable you are, but it does have to do with compatibility. And I think we can all agree there are many people we wouldn’t mind being incompatible with. Prioritize what you want in a partner by making a list of non-negotiable qualities or values you want, and stop yourself from getting caught up in what a relationship or person could be. Instead, ask yourself if you genuinely enjoy each person you’re talking to and whether or not they deserve you.

Since it can be very challenging to examine yourself in this way, I highly recommend working with a dating coach. An unbiased third party can not only help you to identify what your current baggage is and why you’re still struggling with it, but also offer clear-cut advice on what you need to do to move past it. When new clients come to me unsure of why they keep accidentally sabotaging their own dating chances, I can often tell right away what baggage is getting in their way. Once you’re ready to really take a good look at your destructive beliefs and thought patterns, you can start replacing those with healthier and positive alternatives that will make you a more attractive, emotionally strong, and desirable partner.

As you focus on self-development in the new year, strive to be the partner you’re looking for. That way, you not only have a greater chance of attracting someone with those same qualities, but you’ll also have a stronger sense of self-sufficiency that will serve you while you’re single. It’s common to think a lot about what you want in a partner. But have you ever thought about what kind of partner you want to be? If you have a laundry list of dating must-haves, take a moment to think about whether or not you check those boxes as well.

How well you’re able to hold a conversation with people will determine to a large extent how they see you. Now, this isn’t about being an extroverted man who finds pleasure in going out and talking to people. Being able to hold a decent conversation goes beyond just being outgoing. Sometimes the loud ones are the most annoying. Rather, it has to do with empathy, selflessness, calmness, and a genuine interest in people. Anyone who has these, introvert or not, will be a good conversationalist. Even if the person doesn’t talk to you for a long time, the short moment you share will be worth it. It will be natural, memorable, and enjoyable.